A Place of Quiet

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“Then because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”  ~Mark 6:31

Staying heavily involved with family gatherings beginning in early November through the middle of January can leave me beyond exhaustion. I tend to let the stress of life gather inside until it begins to seep out in the healthiest ways. Trying to be extremely prepared ahead of time so that when the time comes, I can sit back and enjoy my loved ones and the experience itself has always been the plan. Unfortunately, my plan doesn’t always come into fruition. So, when I feel the heaviness of it all I must escape to my place of quiet!

When I have a cup of hot coffee in my hand I tend to relax and let go! In these seclusions of self, I make a cup of coffee and find a place to where I can regroup my soul. I tend to focus using this acronym:

C ~ Centered on Christ. My everything should be focused on Christ! My heart, mind, emotions, decisions, actions, behavior, etc… Remembering everything He did, does and will continue to do for me, shatters my overwhelment and brings my heart into a state of gratitude and thankfulness!

O ~ Ornaments. Adorn my soul with giving, kindness and love. “Your adornment must not be merely external~ putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” ~ 1 Peter 3: 3~4

F ~ Find pockets of peace. Letting peace be the umpire of my heart, no matter how overwhelmed I feel or how challenging the circumstances amount to. “The Lord bless you, and keep you; The Lord make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance on you, and give you peace.” ~ Numbers 6:25 ~ 26

F ~ Fullness of Life. In every stress filled event, finding fullness of life reminds me that He wants that for me! Do not let the enemy seep into my frustrations to steal, kill or destroy my joy, peace or happiness. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” ~John 10:10

E ~ Enjoyment. Taking the time to step away and regroup allows me to go into the season with enjoyment! Having my heart beating appreciation, thankfulness and gratitude instead of taking things for granted or having a bitter taste of obligation. “May the God of hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life ~ giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!’ ~Romans 15:13

E ~ Eliminate expectations. The holidays are wonderful opportunities where we want to exercise our control issues and put unspoken expectations on others to do what we want, how/when we want it done, etc… I’ve noticed in my own life that during the holidays I tend to eliminate any expectations of how I want certain things to go, and in doing this, I receive a great reward of peace! There can be extreme amounts of pressure during the holidays anyways, so why add more by having unrealisitic or unspoken expectations of others to follow. Instead extend grace and mercy with a dose of love!

Wishing you all a more balanced, healthy way of approaching the holiday season! Abundant blessing to you in 2014!

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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

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Peering out the window and seeing the ground covered with a white blanket of…..ice!!!??? Beautiful and peaceful nonetheless. Yet, after 5 days of being locked in the house with my 2 energetic littles has left me jumping for joy for a 40 degree high today! I do enjoy the SLOW changes in seasons, but I am not a fan of the deep, hard cold….that’s why I live in TEXAS!!  That’s right people, haven’t graced the outside world in 120 hours!! Roads, driveways, overpasses all blanketed by hard, white ice. The highs have hovered below freezing keeping the white frozen.

Pre parenthood, this girl would have been a brave soul out there trying to get to what was next on my list of to dos. Now I cringe with the thought of my little people being out in that mess. #GoingStirCrazy It has made my usually ‘on to the next thing to get done’ personality slow down to a snail’s pace. Can be exceedingly painful for this task oriented, schedule planner person!!  I have been able to get myself into the holiday spirit by putting up all the Christmas decor, which may prove to be a hazard (we’ll talk about that a little later). I have made about as many firefighter, ambulance and police siren sounds as this MomMom can muster. I have had many cups of coffee, hot cocoa and seasonal flavored teas to help me get through these very cold days. I have been listening to Christmas music enjoying a slower paced way of life. I have wrapped gifts and tucked them under the tree (again we will brace this ‘Christmas tree’ subject very soon). Laundry has been caught up and the house seems a bit more put together than normal. Wishing any tranquility that I’ve been able to instill in our home would deeply settle into this soul of mine before I come unglued of being blocked in by these walls that seem to consume me!

 

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Yes, let’s talk about the Christmas tree. As you know, I have little people that make everything nice and lovely go higher up in the house, if not altogether put away. My 2 year old son is actually getting better about not getting into absolutely everything. It’s the ‘just turned 1 year old’ son that grieves me! He gets into anything that he can worm his hands around, pulls up on everything that  will/will not hold himup, puts everything in his mouth as he thinks all things are to enjoy by mouth. Well, actually, a lot of adults do that too…??  He is relentless. Insatiable.

My husband, aka Goff, and I have had the same conversation for over 2 weeks regarding whether or not we should put up the Christmas tree. Not because we didn’t want to  or that we were lazy, but because of the development state of each of our boys. We agreed to put the tree up, without decorations, and simply observe the littles. Again, my oldest has proven himself yet again by not really getting into it. He noticed it, asked about it and after being told about it…that was that. Every year he becomes more aware of what Christmas is and this year is going to be his best yet! The other little surprisingly did well. I gave him 48 hours before I decided to decorate the tree. Of course, while they were snug as a bug in their beds! This morning, of course, our oldest noticed it first. He said, ‘Christmas tree pretty!’ He walked around it a few times observing the ornaments with delight. The youngest stopped, looked at it, looked at me, smiled then DARTED towards it!!! You would think that he would be going for the limbs or ornaments, right?? No, this little boy went straight underneath for the cords!!!! Such a boy! So much so that I had to hide the cords within the tree, which proved grounds for a toddler tantrum. #NotGettingWhatHeWants  After about three screaming matches, distraction derailments, this MomMom resorted to hiding the cords within the tree and off the ground. Mission accomplished. Since the cords were gone, he went for the ornaments. So, the ornaments that were on the bottom have now inched their way up higher on the tree. Literally, the top half of the tree is decorated and very ornate while the bottom half is quite bare and dull.

I can’t imagine Christmas without a tree and desire my ‘beautiful mess’ of life to be normal, yet the little people always bring a different perspective in any and every situation!

A Setting for Two

This week in Proverbs 31 Ministries On line Bible Study, Renee Swope’s book A Confident Heart is my choice of topic. I dived into chapter 9 : When Doubt Whispers “I Can’t Stop Worrying.”  Boy did I find myself in the words written on the pages of this chapter.

One of the blog writing choices is ‘A Setting for Two’ ~ Share your favorite place to meet with Jesus for some alone time and tell us what sets it apart from other spaces in your home.

We live in a quaint two story home that houses many rooms. Yet each room does serve a purpose…the boys’ rooms, the media room, my husband’s work from home office, and the rooms continue to be named. I’m not really looking for a room to meet Him because His dwelling is within me, but I seek a calm, quiet space of time in which to enjoy His company. You see, I have 2 very small boys that wake up quite early and go non-stop until the sun goes down. I at times feel my alone time with God is intermingled with the chaos my ‘littles’ bring! On some days, I even feel as Renee Swope described it, ” …my God time seems like a drive thru instead of a 5 course meal.” Can I get an amen, young Mommas to the little people!

As I read the topics to choose to write on this week, I just began laughing as I read ‘A Setting for Two.’ God sure has a great sense of humor. This past weekend, I sold my ‘God chair’ as I called it. For the last decade it was where I would sit, drink my coffee, have conversation with the Lord, pray, cry, laugh and most definitely dream His visions for my life! I have many challenging and deep, yet beautiful memories in this chair as I’ve experienced a lot of ‘life’ during this past decade.

 

Meet my ‘God chair’…..

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During my times with Him, I would pretend an escape to a coffeehouse in Europe. One like this:

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Since He knit me together in my mother’s womb, knows every intricate detail of my heart’s desires (since He placed them there), He understands my need to do this. You see, I live in Texas, but my heart beats for Europe. So, I envision Him and I at a coffeehouse drinking our favorite lattes, spending time with each other, conversing hours on end with no other obligations other than to genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

 

How about you? Do you have a special place where you meet Him?

A Coffeehouse Chat

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Sitting across from a dear friend in a quaint and rustic local coffee shop, we drank our ‘pretty’ coffee while we chatted in efforts to catch up in each other’s lives. You know those special type of friendships that grace your life that even though you haven’t seen the person in four months, you can immediately enter their world without skipping a beat. Yes, she is one of those blessings to me!

Coffee and conversation was our idea. God, of course, had His own greater plan! I was very excited when I had this chance to meet up with her as we both have very full days! She teaches the ‘little people’ of 6 years old at a local elementary, and I am a stay at home Mommy of two very sweet energetic little boys ages 2 and 1 which the words ‘me time’ are very few and far between. So of course, when the grandparents came in town I jumped on the chance to be able to get away for a bit. I had never been to this coffeehouse before, so we chatted a bit about what to get. We spoke about my husband and little boys, her work and individual activities she is involved with.

Then it just got all crazy up in there! As if God pulled up a chair right alongside of us and joined us for the last bit of our time together.

You see, my friend and I are in different seasons of our lives. She is single, not dating anyone and immersed in her work. She is a beautiful, loyal, committed, dependable, witty woman of God that loves the Lord! Beyond smart and extremely hilarious. She has a servant’s heart and is a natural leader. Most of her days start early and end late. A great core group of friends from her church is where she lets loose! Deep days fill her life as she moves forward in the monotony of her long season. A heart that desires to beat wildly in the promises that He has given to her. Content with Him, yet discontent withe desires still unfulfilled within.

I live in a similar, yet different season. I am a wife to a wonderful man of 3 years, a Mommy to 2 precious boys that I take care of 24/7. I know parenthood is a sacrificial life, yet with my boys being so young this is definitely a season of MUCH self sacrifice for this Mommy! Can I get an amen from the other Mommys of the little people?? My days start early and seem to never end, even when I put my head to the pillow. My schedule is built around the needs of others. I am a body guard to my youngest and a referee during playtime. Lack of sleep has left me with the idea that it is highly overrated. The constant clutter in my brain as well as doing what seems to be a million things a second, I tend to slip in remembrance that His presence graces those moments.  I have to remind my soul to slow down enough to breathe Him in, rest in Him and talk with Him knowing that even in the midst of trying to find meaning in the monotony of daily motherhood, HE IS HERE! Deep days fill my life as I move forward in this long, yet rewarding season. The desire for my heart to beat wildly in His promises He grafted into my heart, long ago, to come into fruition. Realizing it won’t be during this season. In these deep days, I am reminded that not only is character being built but through them the desire to transition into the next season is birthed.

In our conversation of where we are in our personal lives, this is where God put down his latte and took over our agenda! Something tugged fiercely inside that I knew had to be shared with her. As I took off my ‘everything is just wonderful’ mask, I shared with her that I find myself at times now ‘idolizing’ my single season in the sense that I look at all the responsibilities I have now with not much freedom for myself and envy that time in my life when I had no responsibility to anyone else but to myself. Selfish, I know right!!?? I could come and go as I pleased, wake up when I wanted, go to bed when I was tired, take a nap when needed, run errands by myself and those errands were based on my wants and needs. Do you want to know the best part of that single season, the freedom in my time with the Lord!! If I was in the ‘flow’ of conversation with Him, I could literally sit for hours reading, praying, journaling, worshiping…those were some of the most special memories of that season! I had the time to commit myself to what/where I felt Him leading me. Discontentment also filled spaces in my heart that desired a husband and family to call my own during my blissful ‘single’ season. As I shared these things with her, it hit me that no matter what season you may find yourself living in right now, there is beautiful chaos. The joys and happiness. The challenges and struggles. My last thoughts to her, and myself, were simply these words, “Don’t glamoroize a season of life that you think will ‘complete’ you as a beautiful mess awaits you there too!”

‘Enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going.’ ~Joyce Meyer

The Real Me

Whispers that creep in, yet scream in my heart of doubt and insecurity. Will the passions in my heart ever come to fruition? Maybe if I do what ‘she’ does I will have success. Maybe if I look like her, I will feel more beautiful. If you aren’t confident in who you are, then why would anyone else see you as such? Why am I not satisfied, always craving something else to help me feel happy, joy and contentment. Why am I not comfortable in my own skin?

‘Will the REAL Shana please stand up,’ was a question that rumbled through my mind for more years than I would like to admit in my 38 years of living.

Can you relate? Do you find yourself in these whispers?

Riding on the roller coaster of trying to meet everyone’s expectations, keep the peace and everyone happy about wore me out, and trying to be what I saw in others in the form of acceptance always led to failure on my part. A wall of doubt, insecurity , unhappiness and confusion in my heart was always under construction.

One day I remember watching a movie with one of the characters asking another, ‘Why are you always trying to conform to what others are, when you were born to stick out and be different?’ Those words resonated deep within my soul and stirred something very strong inside of me. They ignited  a sense of excitement to get to know myself as God created and fashioned me to be. A sense of strength that I could confidently be ME! Does this sound familiar to you? Some may not relate to this lost sense of identity, but as one that tended to ‘people please’ it was an everyday battle I had with myself in trying to be something I was never created to be. I’m a work in progress and still have those ‘struggle’ days, but as I grow closer in Him with my identity deeply rooted in Him I experience a joy, happiness and completeness within myself that I was always craving.

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In our online Bible study of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, we have been given the challenge to write about #TheRealMe! I found myself through her words in this weeks chapter reading  called  “When Doubt Whispers ‘I Don’t Have Anything Special To Offer’. I related to always serving others’ needs and ignoring what God created me to do, and referred to it as self sacrifice. Not being comfortable in saying ‘no’ to others in order to keep the peace and the consequence being to put the life God called me to live on the back burner. Renee said it perfectly in her words, ‘Instead of guarding and listening to our heart, we’ve been told to silence it and listen to the voice of sacrifice and duty.’

Are you here with me friend? At this place where our tendency is to bring peace and happiness to those around us while neglecting our desires to live our life fully as created and imagined it to be? There is hope! If He, our Creator, daydreamed about the woman before Him, placed in her His talents, dreams, and passions for her, then He will help her get to that place where she is confident in Him and herself to find those strengths, passions and life callings. He never wants her to be lost, hopeless, doubtful and unhappy. As she grows closer to Him, I believe He will slowly reveal His purpose to her in her life.

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In my Bible study, I took a personality test in which 4 different personality types were outlined. I’m sure it’s normal, but I found myself in all of them! After looking a little deeper, I narrowed it down to a combination of 2. I need times of quiet to recharge, find ways to reduce stress, need a feeling of worth and respect; combined with a need to have understanding, stability, support, and my own space. I have been given spiritual gifts of mercy and exhortation. My heart beats loudly when I can listen to a hurting heart. Express my own journey of brokenness and healing to help bring hope, encouragement and support to one in need. I look for creative ways to bless others in their daily life. A seeker of a safe platform to help women, of all ages, in adopting the vision to embrace and not embarrass one another, to celebrate and not compete with each other, to honor, respect and call forth the God greatness in others without comparison. I desire to remove the veil of those that are hindered in their journey because of labels they’ve received or named themselves. Let the Body of Christ rise up and be healed!! Unhindered. Unashamed. My gifts and callings may not be great in number, but they are priceless to the King of Kings for His Kingdom!

#YesIDo

#WhoIAm

Dear Heavenly Father,

I love you! You are great and highly to be praised. You are beyond worthy. (Psalm 145:3) I show forth the praises of You Who has called me out of darkness in His marvelous light. (1 Peter 2:9) You are my refuge and strength, a safe place to hide. (Psalm 46:1) I have been bought with a price and I  belong to You. (1 Corinthians 6:19 ~ 20) I am chosen by You and adopted as Your child. (Ephesians 1: 3-8) I am born of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, and the evil one cannot touch me. (1 John 5:18) I am alive with Christ. (Ephesians 2:5) I am holy and without blame before You in love. (Ephesians 1:4)  I am established, anointed, and sealed by You. (2 Cor. 1: 21 ~ 22) I am free from condemnation. I cannot be separated from Your love. (Romans 8:31 ~ 39) Your love is gracious, kind, and abundantly generous at all times. (1Corinthians 13:4-7) Your love never changes. (Malachi 3:6)

I am Your first choice. (Isaiah 41:8) I am chosen, holy, and dearly loved by You. (Col. 3:12) You hear and listen to  me. You know the REAL me. You understand me. You see me. You pursue after me. You created me to my very core. (Psalm 139) I am a crown of beauty in the hand of my Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of my God. (Isaiah 62:3) I am a great delight to You. (Isaiah 62:4) You are enthralled  with my beauty, and I am beautiful in Your sight. I have the mind of Christ. (1 Cor. 2:16; Phil. 2:5) I have the peace of God that passes all understanding. (Phil. 4:7)

I am a new creation in Christ. (2 Cor. 5:17) I am a spirit being alive to You. (Romans 6:11; 1 Thes. 5:23) I am a believer, and the light of the Gospel shines in my mind (2 Cor. 4:4) I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions. (James 1:22, 25) I am a joint ~ heir with Christ. (Romans 8:17) I am more than a conqueror through Him Who loves me. (Romans 8:37) I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lam and the word of my testimony. (Rev. 12:11) I am a partaker of Your divine nature. (2 Peter 1:3 ~ 4) I am an ambassador for Christ. ( 2 Cor. 5:20) I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people. (1 Peter 2:9) I am the righteousness of You in Christ Jesus. (2 Cor. 5:21) I am the head not the tail; I am above only and not beneath. (Deut. 28:13) I am the light of the world. (Matt. 5:14) I am healed by the stripes of Jesus. (Isaiah 53:5) I am greatly loved by God. (Romans 1:7) It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me. (Galatians 2:20)

You vindicate me and deliver me from all my troubles. You are my help and sustainer of my soul. (Psalm 54) For I do not have a spirit of feat but that of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Tim. 1:7) You provide shelter of safety for me. You accomplish all things for me. (Psalm 56:1 ~2) I am confident You will complete the good work You started in me. (Phil. 1:6) You heal my broken heart and bandage my wounds. (Psalm 147:3) I am a new creation, the old has passed and the new has come. (Col. 3:9 ~ 10)

#MovingForward

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“Sometimes it requires more courage to release your past than to embrace your future.” ~Lisa Bevere

Holding one set of eye glasses in each hand as I look back upon my life. Unfortunately emotions, feelings and mood of the moment determine which lens I look from. You see, one pair comes with doubts, questions, insecurities and a very skewed vision of negativity, fault finding and bitterness. If you look closely, they are pretty worn and adorned with smudges from so much use. The other pair of eye glasses seem brand new as if never worn or barely used. Clean and clear with nothing to hinder what one will see as she peers through the lens. These are my God lens where I try and pray to see perspectives, people and situations from His eyes. Only acceptance, love, forgiveness escape out of these lenses with encouragement, clarity and security.

Recently I visited my eye doctor because there was just a strain to see and the images were a little blurry. After doing his exam, he told me I have a condition that has developed over time where the shape of my eye has changed and distorts the light that filters through it. That is what has caused the extra tension and vision problems.  Bringing the natural and spiritual angles together, when there is a problem with the way I see things, my perspective is distorted and I experience the effects.

As I’ve read chapter 4 of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, she focuses on dealing with the pain of one’s past through the hope of God’s promises. One’s hurtful past can haunt them for years, decades and even unto death. I do understand why people who have had very painful pasts want to shut down trying to forget in a way to escape the reality of their shattered dreams. Staying quiet about it is one way of escape. Yet on the other hand, I know the freedom and power gained as I’ve confronted my pain of my own shattered dreams. My voice is to remind the enemy that what he meant to steal, kill and destroy God has restored and redeemed!

Abandonment. Deception. Betrayal. Broken hearted. They were my closest friends. Unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness soon joined the party. I entertained lies from the enemy that soon became truth in my false reality. This is how my lens, mentioned above, became distorted and allowed doubt and insecurities to reign in my heart.

You see, I am a traditional woman that loves loyalty and honesty. Stability is where I like to build a home. When two stand before each other and God to make a promise of a lifetime, I place high respect and honor on such a blessing. When the one you say, ‘I do’ to strays and decides your marriage together no longer fits his plan, the pain of divorce cut to the very core of my being. The season of doubt, disbelief, grief and darkness began. It was as if all these things entertwined together in a knot like a manual puppet. When one string moved, they all moved in a rythym together. crying out to God, I knew He had plans to prosper me and for a future of hope!

It was in my deepest weakness and vulnerability where I looked to Him with all honesty of myself. His promises of assurance slowly began erasing my doubts and insecurities. I have my days still where those insecurities creep in, yet I know Who to take them to and whose words to listen to and adorn myself with. It is a day by day process of restoration and healing. Through this experience I have become more of who He created me to be. I don’t think I would have learned these treasures of nuggets any other way and honestly wouldn’t trade my story For another ending.

I have met the most amazing man that is truly a gift from God. He is my husband, best friend and the best father to our two little boys!  This has become the name of my blog….A Beautiful Mess!

#Priceless

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‘Real, reveolutionary love must give itself, for it can never be satisfied to do anything less.’

~Joyce Meyer

Can I just tell you how blessed this online Bible study of the book A Confident Heart by Renee Swope is!  There are crevices in my heart that have been crying out to be filled, longing to be soothed and desired to be pursued. In the 3 chapters we’ve studied I’ve been challenged to name some of my fears and doubts and begin the process of bulldozing through them to gain freedom. Truth is really the only genuine way to wholeness. I’ve read other books along this topic, yet find myself coming up short in the results. I have so much hope in this study not only because I already see small changes in my thinking, but the author is genuinely transparent with herself that you can’t help but let those walls you’ve created come tumbling down.

When I hear the word priceless, I begin to think of all the treasures that I hold dear that no one could ever name a price for me to accept in giving them away. Isn’t that a beautiful picture of our Heavenly Father is with us, His Beloved! His Word says His love is priceless…no price could take it away from us!  Soak in that truth for awhile. Go ahead, go get yourself a cup of coffee, relax in your cozy chair and breathe that in!

I, too, like Sam have this imaginary bucket looking to be filled. Yet my choice of the things and people I offer it to are not to fill it. Sense of worth, approval and significance, yet as it proves to be meaningless. The cracks leak any blessings offered leaving my bucket still empty. Only the Lover of my soul can seal my holes and fill my bucket  until it overflows.

Not only does His love prove to be priceless, His whispered words chosen, valued, treasured, loved, heard, understood, accepted, forgive and free seep into this dry heart quenching a thirst leaving me to never thirst again.

#PerfectLove ~ Isaiah 49:23

This week at Proverbs 31 Ministries, we have been asked to ‘verse map’ Isaiah 49:23 in our online Bible study. We are reading A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. I read another member’s blog as she referenced it as ‘verse explosion’!! Don’t you just love that!! Lord, let ALL your words not just be read, heard and said by me, but may they EXPLODE in my heart!!

‘Then you will know that I am The Lord. Those who hope in Me will not be disappointed.’ ~Isaiah 49:23

This is one of the many verses of the Bible I want to get a cup of coffee, nestle into my cozy chair and stay awhile soaking in to. The first thing I notice in reading this is even though it is a promise of God, we have a responsibility as well. Hope in Him. In what I’ve read about ‘Hope’, it declares it as a feeling or thing,yet as I look deeper in this verse, it should be a person ~ Him! I would like to say that in every situation everyday in each moment I place my hope and confidence in Him. Unfortunately so I place it into other places, things and people at times. Doubts creep in, and as Renee stated so clearly ‘doubt and hope cannot live in our heart at the same time.’ Ouch! Ouch! Truth stepping on my toes. If I choose to entertain doubt and negative thoughts, hope will never enter my heart’s party. Just making a mental note that I must dig deeper in His truth to change my thinking in order to bring change within my feelings! Hope in Him!

I love how this verse states ‘you will KNOW I am the Lord.’ There is a huge difference in knowing something or someone as opposed to just hearing or seeing something or someone. He is not an acquaintance. He is to be known, understood on a daily deeper encounter. These type relationships have deep, hard, transparent, honest in your face open conversations!

Lastly, I desperately have good intentions to not hold expectations on any situation or person, yet I fail miserably! With that failure comes disappointment. When He tells me I won’t be disappointed and I let that promise find it’s way into my heart, there is an exhale of stress, tension and about 10 pounds of weight released! I don’t have to have it all together, figured out, a step by step plan or juggling all the balls. He’s perfect and I don’t have robe!

Shana, you will not be disappointed as we deepen our relationship and you know Me. Place your hope and confidence in Me!

Newbie in OBS ~ A Confident Heart at Proverbs31 Ministries

Hello!

My name is Shana and I often say yes at times when everything inside of me  is screaming, NO! The mere pleasure of keeping the peace, conflict avoidance, and having people like me can be masked into my personality flaws.

Why I do this? For one, I don’t like to disappoint anyone! My heart grieves if I have dropped a ball, had to unavoidably back out of a commitment or said something to hurt another…the short, loud word NO. I have this issue where I, at times, can and do love others above myself to an extreme. It simply states an insecure, people pleasing heart that desires to be rescued.

When I tell others I’m a stay at home Mommy of 2 little boys (ages 2 and 11 months), I see the look on their face. The unsaid expectations of ‘Well, you don’t work so you have the time. I mean what do you do all day? You don’t do a lot so of course this won’t be too much to ask.” All of this is completely untrue, but will stop the list and thoughts there! The non~existent time given to myself as a stay at home Mommy has made me question whether or not I have the time, energy (physical and mental) to expend into such a project as an online Bible study…no matter how wonderful and great it will prove to be! Is this going to be something that will recharge, energize, and restore myself OR will it deplete more of what I don’t have to give!

I am beyond excited about this study, A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. Looking for God to do a great work within me through this. Super pumped to meet newbies like myself as well as others that have journeyed down this path before.

Thank you Proverbs 31 Ministries for providing this opportunity!