One Moment When My Smile Was Lost

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” ~Proverbs 31:28

Recently read a devotional blog post on-line called The Day I Lost My Smile by Lysa Terkeurst, where she recounted all the duties as a Mom she had with lunch kits, backpacks as well as taking her children to school on time while also juggling her own work responsibilities. Always overwhelmed and running either late or behind. Can you relate?

The Motherhood world is challenging, not to mention increasingly complex and mind numbing at times. Overwhelmed by the demands of the littles, the world, other people and for me the case of MYSELF!! It’s as if this cloud of chaotic clutter hangs over me.

I remember a significant ‘MOM’ent when I became quite aware that my smile was lost. I woke up in my usual ‘early bird’ good mood. I headed upstairs to get a quick workout in on the treadmill, and it hit me as I was standing in the shower ~ water pouring over me washing away all the ‘stink’ of what life was throwing at me. I noticed that something deep within was lacking.

Desire. Passion. My heartbeat. All gone. Along with it the joy in my spirit that my smile was attached to. As I got dressed and ready for yet another day, that to be honest, I didn’t want to do, (insert the movie Groundhog Day here), I welcomed the hot tears and let them stream down my freshly made up face.

That morning as I went about the ritual of lighting our candles in our home that serves as a reminder that I am to shine His Light to those I love most, I could feel the weight of my heavier heart as it sunk deeper inside of me. Thoughts of being a horrible Mommy for not wanting to be a stay at home Mommy that day and resentment for being stretched too thin without a much needed break crept into my heart.

These words came to my heart as I remember reading them from Lysa (yes, I know…I read a lot of Lysa’s words!!), “Bad moments don’t make bad Mommys.” She has such a great way of putting words into those very complex emotions we all feel. Goff, my husband, and I sat down to put steps in place to reinvent how our family could function healthier. Changes are moving us forward and transitions for our family are coming. (Prayers regarding these changes are much appreciated..but that is another post one day).

Through this process I feel that my peace, passioned purpose and joy are finding their way back to me…along with that missing smile.

As we approach this Mother’s Day weekend, I honor, respect, support, applaud, encourage, pray over and love each woman blessed to be known as Mommy!

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” ~Proverbs 31:28

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