The Real Me

Whispers that creep in, yet scream in my heart of doubt and insecurity. Will the passions in my heart ever come to fruition? Maybe if I do what ‘she’ does I will have success. Maybe if I look like her, I will feel more beautiful. If you aren’t confident in who you are, then why would anyone else see you as such? Why am I not satisfied, always craving something else to help me feel happy, joy and contentment. Why am I not comfortable in my own skin?

‘Will the REAL Shana please stand up,’ was a question that rumbled through my mind for more years than I would like to admit in my 38 years of living.

Can you relate? Do you find yourself in these whispers?

Riding on the roller coaster of trying to meet everyone’s expectations, keep the peace and everyone happy about wore me out, and trying to be what I saw in others in the form of acceptance always led to failure on my part. A wall of doubt, insecurity , unhappiness and confusion in my heart was always under construction.

One day I remember watching a movie with one of the characters asking another, ‘Why are you always trying to conform to what others are, when you were born to stick out and be different?’ Those words resonated deep within my soul and stirred something very strong inside of me. They ignited  a sense of excitement to get to know myself as God created and fashioned me to be. A sense of strength that I could confidently be ME! Does this sound familiar to you? Some may not relate to this lost sense of identity, but as one that tended to ‘people please’ it was an everyday battle I had with myself in trying to be something I was never created to be. I’m a work in progress and still have those ‘struggle’ days, but as I grow closer in Him with my identity deeply rooted in Him I experience a joy, happiness and completeness within myself that I was always craving.

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In our online Bible study of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, we have been given the challenge to write about #TheRealMe! I found myself through her words in this weeks chapter reading  called  “When Doubt Whispers ‘I Don’t Have Anything Special To Offer’. I related to always serving others’ needs and ignoring what God created me to do, and referred to it as self sacrifice. Not being comfortable in saying ‘no’ to others in order to keep the peace and the consequence being to put the life God called me to live on the back burner. Renee said it perfectly in her words, ‘Instead of guarding and listening to our heart, we’ve been told to silence it and listen to the voice of sacrifice and duty.’

Are you here with me friend? At this place where our tendency is to bring peace and happiness to those around us while neglecting our desires to live our life fully as created and imagined it to be? There is hope! If He, our Creator, daydreamed about the woman before Him, placed in her His talents, dreams, and passions for her, then He will help her get to that place where she is confident in Him and herself to find those strengths, passions and life callings. He never wants her to be lost, hopeless, doubtful and unhappy. As she grows closer to Him, I believe He will slowly reveal His purpose to her in her life.

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In my Bible study, I took a personality test in which 4 different personality types were outlined. I’m sure it’s normal, but I found myself in all of them! After looking a little deeper, I narrowed it down to a combination of 2. I need times of quiet to recharge, find ways to reduce stress, need a feeling of worth and respect; combined with a need to have understanding, stability, support, and my own space. I have been given spiritual gifts of mercy and exhortation. My heart beats loudly when I can listen to a hurting heart. Express my own journey of brokenness and healing to help bring hope, encouragement and support to one in need. I look for creative ways to bless others in their daily life. A seeker of a safe platform to help women, of all ages, in adopting the vision to embrace and not embarrass one another, to celebrate and not compete with each other, to honor, respect and call forth the God greatness in others without comparison. I desire to remove the veil of those that are hindered in their journey because of labels they’ve received or named themselves. Let the Body of Christ rise up and be healed!! Unhindered. Unashamed. My gifts and callings may not be great in number, but they are priceless to the King of Kings for His Kingdom!

#YesIDo

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8 thoughts on “The Real Me

  1. Thanks for sharing the real me. I can relate to what you shared as I have had to learn to say no and stop being a people pleaser. We need to allow god’s dreams to become our dreams and accept who he created us to be? Blessings as you continue to study A Confident Heart.
    Marilyn (OBS Group Leader)

    1. Isn’t it refreshing to find others that have too walked the same path! Thank you Marilyn for being an encouragement in your transparency. May He open your eyes to see His vision in your life as you continue in this study!
      Blessings to you!

  2. Finding that place where your heart beats wildly is a thing of such beauty in the life of a believer. Being able to walk confidently forward with a wildly beating heart, OH… for the joy of that! This post was a wonderful reminder to listen to the stirrings God places within each of us.
    Missy (OBS Small Group Leader)

  3. I have a tshirt with the Dr. Seuss quote, “why fit in when you were made to stand out”. I also have my office covered in different things that send the message basically to “become yourself-everyone else is taken” in the hope that the junior high kids (and many of the teachers) will be inspired to do just that. You operate in all of those gifts wherever you are and bless those around you all the time. I’ve also learned that it’s never about the numbers that you influence but even about that one that comes to drink from your well in any given moment. I think when women take off their masks for a moment, we can all relate to what your saying. Being transparent and real and still full of faith is not an easy thing, but I would say well worth it and the only place where I know peace lives.

  4. I enjoyed reading your blog. I am glad, that throughout this study, you have learned to listen to the whispers of the Lord to give you an opportunity to reflect upon who He really wants you to be. It sounds like you have an encouraging heart for the hurting. It amazes me how the Lord gives us a chance to reach out to others and give them confident hope through our own brokenness.

    I too, have the gifts of mercy and exhoration. I absolutely loved the end of your blog. It summarizes your desire to reflect those gifts… ” I desire to remove the veil of those that are hindered in their journey because of labels they’ve received or named themselves. Let the Body of Christ rise up and be healed!! Unhindered. Unashamed. My gifts and callings may not be great in number, but they are priceless to the King of Kings for His Kingdom!” JUST LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!

    I must say to you, your gifts are great in number and they are priceless. When you move beyond the limitations of your own heart, your transformation begins to walk in the heart of God, right where you are, and healing can begin for others through you.

    Thank you for your courage to see yourself as confidently able to move in others by being available to God as a fearfully and wonderfully made daughter.

    Liz (OBS Small Group Leader)

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