“Sometimes it requires more courage to release your past than to embrace your future.” ~Lisa Bevere
Holding one set of eye glasses in each hand as I look back upon my life. Unfortunately emotions, feelings and mood of the moment determine which lens I look from. You see, one pair comes with doubts, questions, insecurities and a very skewed vision of negativity, fault finding and bitterness. If you look closely, they are pretty worn and adorned with smudges from so much use. The other pair of eye glasses seem brand new as if never worn or barely used. Clean and clear with nothing to hinder what one will see as she peers through the lens. These are my God lens where I try and pray to see perspectives, people and situations from His eyes. Only acceptance, love, forgiveness escape out of these lenses with encouragement, clarity and security.
Recently I visited my eye doctor because there was just a strain to see and the images were a little blurry. After doing his exam, he told me I have a condition that has developed over time where the shape of my eye has changed and distorts the light that filters through it. That is what has caused the extra tension and vision problems. Bringing the natural and spiritual angles together, when there is a problem with the way I see things, my perspective is distorted and I experience the effects.
As I’ve read chapter 4 of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, she focuses on dealing with the pain of one’s past through the hope of God’s promises. One’s hurtful past can haunt them for years, decades and even unto death. I do understand why people who have had very painful pasts want to shut down trying to forget in a way to escape the reality of their shattered dreams. Staying quiet about it is one way of escape. Yet on the other hand, I know the freedom and power gained as I’ve confronted my pain of my own shattered dreams. My voice is to remind the enemy that what he meant to steal, kill and destroy God has restored and redeemed!
Abandonment. Deception. Betrayal. Broken hearted. They were my closest friends. Unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness soon joined the party. I entertained lies from the enemy that soon became truth in my false reality. This is how my lens, mentioned above, became distorted and allowed doubt and insecurities to reign in my heart.
You see, I am a traditional woman that loves loyalty and honesty. Stability is where I like to build a home. When two stand before each other and God to make a promise of a lifetime, I place high respect and honor on such a blessing. When the one you say, ‘I do’ to strays and decides your marriage together no longer fits his plan, the pain of divorce cut to the very core of my being. The season of doubt, disbelief, grief and darkness began. It was as if all these things entertwined together in a knot like a manual puppet. When one string moved, they all moved in a rythym together. crying out to God, I knew He had plans to prosper me and for a future of hope!
It was in my deepest weakness and vulnerability where I looked to Him with all honesty of myself. His promises of assurance slowly began erasing my doubts and insecurities. I have my days still where those insecurities creep in, yet I know Who to take them to and whose words to listen to and adorn myself with. It is a day by day process of restoration and healing. Through this experience I have become more of who He created me to be. I don’t think I would have learned these treasures of nuggets any other way and honestly wouldn’t trade my story For another ending.
I have met the most amazing man that is truly a gift from God. He is my husband, best friend and the best father to our two little boys! This has become the name of my blog….A Beautiful Mess!